i’m not a true friend

Lately I have heard the words, “true friend” being thrown around a lot.

“She’s not a true friend.”

“If you were a true friend, you would have…”

“If you want to know who your true friends are, have a baby..”

Sounds like a bunch of bullshit to me.  What makes a “true friend” anyway?  I think if we’re being honest with ourselves we can admit that we have probably all been a shitty friend at some point in our lives.  With a two month old baby, I have slacked a lot lately.  I don’t always answer my phone, or remember to call when I say I will.  I barely remember to wash my hair these days, so remembering to call someone back is a big deal.  I guess I think it’s not a big deal because to me, a “true friend” wouldn’t make it a big deal.  Maybe that’s just me being selfish.  Maybe I’m just a little spoiled by great friends.  There are a handful of friends that I am close to.  I can go a month without contact, and then hit them up randomly and nothings changed.  I guess in my opinion that’s how it should be.  At 25, I know with my friends at least, we are all just busy.  All the time.  Doing different shit, living different lives.  One of my friends just bought a house, and she’s trying to plan a wedding.  Another is trying for a baby and another is trying for baby number two!  One of my friends is about to start intense schooling, and a lot of my other friends are just enjoying themselves and going out whenever they please because they can!!  I feel like people get their feelings hurt so easily, me included, but I think we need to cut each other some slack. You don’t get to choose your family, but you do get to choose your friends.    I’m lucky that I can slack off on being a “true friend” because the people I chose don’t care.  I don’t feel like it should be a big deal to have to cancel plans because you are going to work an extra shift instead, or because you have a sick kid.  You’ll realize, as years go by that the people who DO care about you being a “true friend” will probably not be around your whole life through.

Lately, I have been looking through pictures of my life before I had Avery and missing the people in the photos.  The fact of the matter is, we aren’t all going to agree all the time, and we aren’t all going to reach milestones at the same time.   That doesn’t mean friendships can’t hold though.  I have friends that are married, friends that are married with kids, friends in relationships, friends that are engaged, and friends that are single.  I have friends who don’t drink, and friends who go out every weekend.  Yes, with where I am right now I have to work a little harder to see my friends who go out more, but damn it feels good to know I can call them and say, “MOMMA NEEDS A NIGHT OUT” and they’re just like, “YASSS BITCH!”.  Isn’t that how it should be?

I guess I’m trying to say, don’t sweat the small stuff.  If to you, a “true friend” is someone who will drop everything to go have a beer, or someone who remembers to call you back on time and not a day later, then I’m definitely not a “true friend”.   I am a friend who will probably show up late, but still show up for your kids birthday.  I am a friend who will fall asleep and forget to call back, but you know I’ll call the next day ready to hear “what that asshole said to you”.  I am a friend who will not get mad that you can’t make dinner because you have to work.  I will be the friend who is cheering you on, hoping you crush all your goals.  I will be a friend that you can come vent to.  I will probably be the friend that tells you you can do better, dump him.  You probably won’t dump him, but I’ll be the friend that lets you cry it out when you realize you should have.  So no, I might not be your definition of a “true friend”, but I will still try and be a damn good one.

xo.

good vibes

Yesterday, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.  Let’s face it, that’s just a nice way to say I was a crab ass.  Nothing brought on my bad mood.  I slept fine, Avery slept through the night, and I really had no reason for it.  I was waiting for what felt like ten years for my coffee to make when my dad tried to talk to me, and I think I responded with a grunt.  As I’m walking back to my room, I hear the sweetest sound… Avery is ‘gooing’ and making all these tiny noises, and just like that my bad mood is gone.  Watching her learn and grow everyday is probably the coolest thing in the entire world.  It got me thinking about appreciating little things right along with the big things.  I can’t justify waking up cranky when there are people not waking up at all.

I believe in karma, and I believe you get back what you put into this world.  The world is shitty enough as it is, right?  So I’m working on spending less time getting mad, or annoyed, or sad about petty things and more time smiling and enjoying my life with my daughter.  I’ve decided to try harder to distance myself from negativity, and in doing that I learned I need to let go of anger that I’ve been holding onto so tightly for so long.  I’ve been told that life is a little easier when you learn to “accept apologies” that you never actually get.  I did that a long, long time ago, and you know what?  A little over two months ago that person apologized, and they were really surprised by my openness to forgive.  I was able to forgive because I had already forgiven them in my heart over a year ago.  It feels damn good not to hold onto anything that gives me an ugly feeling.  I’m not saying this is an easy task by any means… I know I won’t wake up tomorrow and every bad feeling I have or anger that I feel towards people or situations will be gone, but I WILL think about it a little less and a little less until it’s just a minor thing.  Then I’ll find that forgiveness.

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My family jokes that I am “too nice”.  I’m apparently “too nice” to people who do not deserve it, but I think there’s worse things to be than “too nice”.  Like I said, I think you get what you give.  You can’t control what others do or how others live.  You are going to come across some shitty people.  Sometimes people are cruel just for the sake of being cruel.  Sometimes people are selfish, sometimes they’re mean, and nearly every time there is nothing you can do about it except brush it off and move on.  So here is to getting there.. at my own pace, but still getting there!

xo.

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