naked

I think I’m the worst at keeping a blog.  Initially, I told myself I would post every Monday.  Im pretty sure that’s only happened twice.  Oops, but hey, I have to give myself some credit.  I’ve only missed ONE week.  Blogging with an infant is no easy task so I’m pretty proud of myself.  Some days what I want to write about just flows out of me and the words come easy.  Other days I know what I’m feeling, and I know I could write about but I don’t.  I don’t because I don’t want to deal with the aftermath in my personal life.  Then there are days where I don’t know how in the hell to sort my thoughts enough to actually get them out.  This is one of those days.  I’ll try anyway.  My baby is going to be one month on Friday.  She’s developing her little personality more and more each day.  It’s been wonderful.  It’s been trying, exhausting, exciting, and WONDERFUL.

The other day I walked by a mirror.  I’m down 30 pounds, and I am actually smaller than when I got pregnant.  That doesn’t mean however, that I’m in shape.  So I walked by the mirror, right?  I smiled.  I liked what I saw.  My clothes were a little too big, my hair was thrown up on top of my head, I had some dried spit up on my side, and there was a stain on my shirt from my boobs leaking sometime in the night.  I still smiled.  So that night I got brave.  I went back to the same mirror, and I stood in front of it naked.  I don’t know what made me do this.  Well, now I see skin that isn’t as tight, I see a scar, and I see some stretch marks.  I thought I would have to tell myself “the marks will fade, and your skin will tighten. It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine” but I didn’t.  I still smiled.  I think I actually sighed with relief once I realized that I still loved my body.  Then I smiled bigger because I realized that I love my body MORE now.  Why was I scared of this?  I want to encourage all of you to try it.  Let it be a freeing experience.  It’s just flesh and bone right?  Not who you are, really.  I think part of the reason I wanted to do this was because as of lately, my family has been….well, I don’t want to say “pushing” me.. we’ll say “nudging” me to move on.  Not that they want me going out looking for anyone, just that if opportunity knocks they want me to answer.  I totally get where they are coming from.  Can’t say I’m not terrified, but I get it.  Anyway, I’m a firm believer that you can’t fully love anyone if you don’t love yourself first.  So there I was naked and ridiculously happy in knowing that I do love myself.  And now after having a baby not only do I love myself, but I have hella respect for myself.  So seriously I think you guys should try it.  I don’t care if you just had a baby, had one 15 years ago, aren’t even a mom, or if you’re a dude.  DO IT.  Fall in love with yourself.  It feels really, really good.

xo.

*this week’s images are by Sarah Kearns of Sarah Elizabeth photography!  She is AMAZING if ya didn’t already know!  I appreciate her so much, and I will cherish these photos forever!

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