Sometimes it’s really hard to commit to this blog. I love when you guys come up to me in the store and tell me you read it every week, but just know that sometimes it’s hard for me. It’s hard to make myself sit down and write about the things I’m trying to not even think about. I do though because I find that after I get it all out there I can literally feel that weight being lifted.
I’ve been up and down lately. Which is normal I think, considering all the wonky things my hormones are doing at the moment. I’ve listened to countless people give me their opinions and advice. I’ve been living life as normal as I can. I still have days where I just want to sit and cry. Sometimes it’s because of the obvious…I’m a single mom, and it’s hard as fuck. Saying that still shocks me. It still shakes me to my core and scares the shit out of me. Other times I cry because my kid didn’t poop all day, and I think I did something wrong. Then she finally poops, and I realize I’m a nutcase. I went to a baby shower this week, and I kept having to take breaks from doing my hair to stand in front of the air and cool off. By the time I got there I was so sweaty and tired I don’t know why I bothered to get ready. I was so overwhelmed that I had to let a few tears slip. Today I feel stronger. Being around the right people can do that to you. Surround yourself with the people who don’t care how sweaty you get just from trying to load a carseat by yourself. Do it, and I swear you are one step closer to a better day.
I also feel the need to share that this is probably my shortest blog post yet, and it has taken over three hours to finish because a fussy baby has had my full attention. She is currently zonked out on my lap as I try my hardest to type quietly. I am already noticing changes in her. Why do babies have to grow so quickly? I am trying desperately to memorize everything. That peach fuzz hair on top of her head, and the way her legs curl up like she’s still inside me. Fussiness or not, sweatiness or not, I wouldn’t trade this for anything in the world.