*Insert long, dramatic sigh..* I have really been putting off posting this week. I honestly just told myself, screw it, I’m not writing this week. Partly because I’m in the finish line of this pregnancy, and I have a ton going on. By “a ton” I mean picking out granny panties for after I give birth (shoutout to the random lady in Walmart for helping me. I can make friends anywhere!). I’ve also been getting all my photo sessions fully culled, edited, and products delivered so I don’t have to worry about it after Avery is absorbing all my time. I’m on maternity leave from Maurices, and I’m bored! I guess not bored enough to sit down and write a blog though, apparently. Okay, honestly I haven’t written because it’s been such an incredibly sad week for this country. I didn’t want my words to just get mixed in with everyone’s. A talented artist was shot and killed, 50 people are dead from a mass shooting, and a baby is killed by an alligator?! Jesus, prayers to the state of Florida right now. I’m not going to sit here and tell you my belief on gun laws, or homosexuality. Why would that matter to you? We all believe what we believe, end of story.
I want to meet my daughter. I can’t wait to just hold her, snuggle her, feel how soft her skin is, and smell that sweet smell that only a newborn has. Trust me, I’m anxious. At the same time though, this world she is about to enter is cruel and disgusting. So so so much hatred. Part of me just wants Avery to stay safely tucked inside my tummy where nothing bad can touch her. People are dying. Convicted rapists are getting SIX FUCKING MONTHS in jail. I guess I’m struggling lately with feeling kind of lost. I hope it comes natural to me, but right now I have no clue how to raise a little girl in a world like this. I want her to be smart, use her brain, and form her own opinions. I hope the she makes those opinions with an open mind and a gentle heart, but isn’t that what’s scary? To me it seems the open minded people are considered weak when really we are the tough ones. Racists, homophobes, terrorists…do you know what they all have in common? Fear. Think about that one.
I don’t know you guys, I guess I’m just worried. There is hate everywhere. A little boy falls into a gorilla pit. People hate the mother of the little boy. They hate the zoo. There’s a mass shooting. People hate guns, people hate the people who hate guns. People suddenly hate muslims, people hate the people who hate muslims. People hate the homosexuals, people hate the homophobes. People hate Obama, and they hate people who support him. They hate Trump, and his followers. People hate Hilary, and they hate you if you support her. People hate abortion. People hate feminism. They hate anything they don’t believe in. Fuck it’s never ending. I don’t suspect this will change any time soon. I won’t sit here and tell you what you should believe, but I will say that we shouldn’t hate one another for believing differently.
Right now, I hate that there isn’t more love. Shit do I sound like a hippy? Everyone needs to place blame. They need to blame someone or something to make things make sense and to feel safe. I get that, and sometimes we are right to place the blame. You rape someone, you go to jail. What does the rapist do though? Blame the alcohol. Blame the victim.
Is anything I’m rambling about making sense? Maybe it doesn’t need to. These are just my thoughts on why I’m scared to raise a good kid in a bad world. I think it starts with me though, I want Avery to learn about being kind from me. I want her to see being open minded and loving everyone will get you hurt from time to time, but that it’s still the right thing. I want her to know that forgiveness is necessary, not for the other person but for herself. It takes time sometimes, but doing the right thing will always get her places.
I guess I’m done rambling for the evening. Homophobes, stop reading this now…..
as the wise, funny, and remarkable Ellen Degeneres says, “Be kind to one another”.