my big fat pregnant night out

It’s funny that me “going out” is something I feel like blogging about.  This used to be me….Every weekend, where’s the party?  Why not though?  I’m young, and I liked a good time!  Getting pregnant obviously changes things.  No, I don’t enjoy going out the same way I used to right now.  I’m not saying you won’t see me out at all after baby girl gets here, (momma needs a winery trip in a bad way) but I know that those BIG party days are behind me.  I’m completely fine with this.  I mean, I spent Friday night having dinner with my family and taking a bubble bath with my six month old niece.  It was a perfect evening in my opinion.  Saturday though, I had plans that required me to leave the comfort of my home. Shocking right?

Kelsey, my wonderful boss at Maurices is getting married next weekend so a couple girls I work with and I wanted to take her out!  Let me start by saying I had to make sure I took a nap before I even started this adventure, which is hilarious to me.  I do my hair and make up and put on this new top I just bought.  *gasp* I even wore heels!  Before I even leave my sister jokes that I don’t even look pregnant because the top I’m wearing is so flowy.  I gave her a little hair flip and tell her that yeah I’m basically a goddess, and I roll out.  So I go pick up Brittany, another girl I work with, and here’s where things get fun.  I have a huge six foot inflatable penis.  This thing has been to a few bachelorette parties before.  It has even survived my sisters bachelorette float trip… A six foot blow up dick floating down Black River… Can you imagine?!  So I’m forcing her to blow it up on our way to meet up with the girls.  Poor Britt is in literal pain from blowing it up, and she had to move her seat back and recline it to even get the giant thing to blow up all the way.  We are passing all these vehicles, and of course they are all staring like we are insane.  Meanwhile we’re just dying laughing.  I was literally driving down 67 with blown up testicles in my face.  We get to our first destination, and I watch as they do shots and order drinks.  Kels gets a few embarrassing gifts, and we laugh our asses off just telling stories and eating cupcakes.  Our drinks all have funny labels, and they find it humorous to give my pregnant ass the one that says “virgin”…but whatever I’m a good sport, and I sip my Dr Pepper out of my penis straw like a boss.  We stick around for awhile before we decide to head to our next destination.  Two of these bitches just bring their pitchers of sangrias with them, so this is just a shit show waiting to happen!

We get to the next place, and it’s pretty low key. There’s literally like four older people and a big group of guys.  Come to find out, the guys are from St Louis, and for some reason none of us understood they came down here for their friends bachelor party.  It took maybe five minutes before a few of them were over at our table.  Here’s what’s hilarious okay….. Kels is the bachelorette (unavailable), Kacee was sitting there with her girlfriend Chels (unavailable), Britt has a boyfriend (unavailable), and I’m nine months pregnant (uninterested) and these poor drunk guys don’t even notice.  We were all dying laughing about this, and I think the guys thought we found them funny.  Sorry bro.  One of them was standing close to Chels, and she literally gives him a little push, as in “dude get out of my space”.. Another one starts bragging to me that they’re doctors, and I swear I almost stuck out my stomach and said “GREAT so if I go into labor, you can help right?!”  How do these guys not realize I’m pregnant?!  Eventually they get the hint that we aren’t interested, and they go away.  There’s a super talented guy playing guitar and singing, and I wish I knew his name, but I honestly have no clue.  He’s asking us what we wanted to hear and playing suggestions from the crowd.  He didn’t know how to play “my neck, my back”….. I asked.  The giant penis was a huge hit here as well.  It was a little strange how many grown men had it on the dance floor. What is it about a big blown up wiener that makes people act a fool?

At one point I just sat there and was kind of in shock at how much I have changed as a person.  This place used to be my stomping grounds.  Even though I was sitting here having fun, it was a different kind of fun I was having.  I wasn’t worried about how I was getting home, how much money I was wasting on alcohol, or how I was going to feel the next day.  I was having fun, being myself, and I just felt happy.  I left a little before midnight, and ate a bowl of cookie crisps in bed.  No one was upset about my departure or made a big deal about it.  I appreciated that more than anything.

I am honestly proud of this woman I’m becoming.  I’m content and just relaxed.  I feel like I’m really settling into the role of being someone’s mother.  As scary as that is, I just feel like myself.  I’m still the fun, adventure loving girl I always have been. So many people are too insecure to be alone, and it’s honestly one of my favorite traits about myself.  I don’t need the constant attention from the opposite sex to feel like I’m worth a shit because I know what I’m worth.  Simple as that.

Motherhood will be the coolest adventure I get to go on, and I’m pretty thankful I have friends around me that love and support the real me.  Friends who don’t get mad when I want to leave because I want to eat cereal in bed.  Friends who carry around a six foot penis with no shame at all, are the friends for me!  It’s called balance…Is it weird for me to advise you guys to find penis toting friends who let you leave the party early?  Oh well!  The point is, surround yourself with people who love the real you!  My heart is happier for it.

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4 thoughts on “my big fat pregnant night out

  1. Kacee says:

    Omg i literally love this, and you! Not to mention it makes me feel a little amall town famous, btw!

    I also have said penis in the backseat of my car… love how chels and i ended up with it haha!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Greatgrandma Pam says:

    Sounds like you had a great time. no wine after Avery comes if you are breastfeeding, unfortunately. I wish I could come and babysit for you when you need to get out.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Momma Deb says:

    Love it!
    Count me in on your winery trip… Even if it is still several months away (you know that breastfeeding thing)
    Bet I can guess the 2 toting sangria around
    ; )

    Liked by 1 person

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