Am I the only freak in existence that actually ENJOYS that “Monday morning” feeling? I love it. I have a small do to list next to my computer, and I add to it throughout the week. Monday’s I’m usually sitting here, drinking coffee, and telling myself I’ll get through almost the entire list. It’s usually Wednesday’s or Thursday’s I don’t enjoy as much because I am having that “oh shit” moment when I realize I didn’t get as much done as I planned. It’s the same every week, but hey at least I’m setting goals and trying to accomplish them. They’ll get done eventually.
This week’s list includes:
finish final edits of photoshoots
get nursery painted
get crib put together
buy mother’s day cards
3d ultrasound friday
prom photos saturday
Even typing that list I still find myself wanting to add to it. I need to finish reading this vaccination book, and also put all of Avery’s clothes into her finally finished dresser. If I get three to four things crossed off that list I will consider this week a success. I am an overachiever, but I don’t go to hard on myself for not accomplishing everything. I’m not super woman. Speaking of SUPER WOMEN…
Sunday is Mother’s Day. So of course I’m feeling emotional. Emotional and thankful. So many of you are amazing moms, and it’s so intimidating. Yesterday, I was sitting in Avery’s empty nursery which happens to be my former high school bedroom. I also happened to be sitting in the same rocking chair that my mom rocked me in. My dad’s mom, Nancy, bought it for her when she was pregnant with me. I don’t remember my grandma Nan. She died right before my first birthday, but I am told all the time how much she loved me. Is it weird that I feel like I can feel her love? There is something so poetic and beautiful there. Anyway, I’m just sitting there looking around feeling so nostalgic. Suddenly my very pregnant self wanted to burst into tears. I didn’t want to cry for any reason other than how blessed and lucky I am. My mom helped me pack away things I didn’t need right now, and my dad carried them off to store them. I watched my dad tear up old carpet, and my mom went to buy paint. They just did this stuff without any reservations. It wasn’t a question to them, that they wanted to be here and support and help me. No, being 24 and living at home isn’t every girls dream, but how amazingly blessed am I that in my situation this is an option for me? They have never made me feel like I was in the way. After a divorce and a horrible break up – I come with a lot of baggage…..literally. I have more stuff than I know what to do with! For the past few years they have just taken everything in stride and told me that things are going to be fine, and they are right. Every time I have felt like a failure whether it be with my marriage or now with my family, they have pushed me to do what is best for myself. I can 100% say without a doubt that I would not make it without my parents.
I look down and rub my tummy and wonder what kind of mom I will be. Of course I want to be more than a good mom. I want so much for Avery. Growing up happy is not something to take for granted. My mom faced battles when I was growing up that I didn’t even know about, but she still made my childhood everything I could ever hope for. She might not realize it, but I remember the small things as well as the big. On St. Patricks day she turned my cereal milk green. She left me notes in my lunchbox that always made me giggle. She sent me flowers to school for NOT winning something. This woman can drive me nuts, and we can fight like no other, but at same time she is my best friend. The impact she has made on my life simply by being an amazing mom is something I will hold in my heart forever. I admire this woman more than anyone knows.
If you are lucky enough to still have your mom in your life go hug her, tell her you love the shit out of her, and let her know she is appreciated. Family is everything, and I am so thankful to be blessed with mine. You don’t realize how important a happy childhood is, until you’re all grown up and thankful you have those memories to hold onto no matter where the rest of your life takes you. Thank you mom, for giving me a wonderful example to follow in raising my own daughter.
“There are moments I know I will long for, even as I live them.” -Judith Katzir