I’m laughing. I am laughing so damn hard. You guys, you don’t even know. I’m going to tell you why I’m laughing, but first let me rewind a bit…
So everyday is different right? Some days, like yesterday for example, are wonderful. I woke up feeling like I can take on the world. I can do damn near anything I want. Then, there are days like today. I woke up so pissed off. I sat down here, turned on Beyonce’s new album, and I just went to town on this keyboard. Angry typing my feelings away. I didn’t hold back. I said everything I was feeling. Now, don’t get me wrong I am all about sharing exactly how I am feeling. I don’t want you guys to think, “Well Bailey, you are supposed to be ‘uncensored’.” You’re right. I am a very uncensored person, and I hope you all know that I do share my uncensored and raw thoughts and feelings with you. Aside from being uncensored though, I strive to also be graceful. Hence the name, gracefullyuncensored. Basically, I want to share my thoughts in a funny and real way while still staying true to the person that I am. The reason I angry typed those words was simply to make myself feel better. I knew the entire time I was writing them that they would never reach your eyes. I’m okay with that. Those words weren’t ME. They were how I was feeling ten minutes ago. They were very Carrie Underwood with a louisville slugger in her black cadillac meets Miranda Lambert holding a smoking gun and a gallon on kerosene. Bitches be crazy.
Anyway, I write all these words right? They are actually really good. So I’m sitting here staring at them and reading them over and over wishing that everyone could read the truth of what I really want to say. I’m sitting here pondering what to do. Is there a way I can tone down the crazy and get these words out there? Nope. Should I just post this and not care about anyone’s feelings? What should I do? Now here’s why I instantly started laughing my ass off. As I am sitting here thinking, “What should I do?” I look up, and hanging right above my computer is this…..
WWBD? What would Beyonce do?
Mind you, I am sitting here listening to her new album which is basically entirely about being lied to and cheated on. She puts Jay Z on BLAST. In the video for “Hold Up” she literally walks through the streets just bashing in car windows and laughing. Let me share some of the lyrics for yall…
Can’t you see there’s no other man above you?
What a wicked way to treat the girl that loves you
Hold up, they don’t love you like I love you
Oh now they don’t love you like I love you
Something don’t feel right
Cause it ain’t right
Especially comin’ up after midnight
I smell your secret, and I’m not too perfect
To ever feel this worthless
How did it come down to this?
Going through your call list
I don’t wanna lose my pride, but I’ma fuck me up a bitch
Know that I kept it sexy and know I kept it fun
Something that I’m missing might be my head for one
What’s worse, lookin’ jealous or crazy?
Jealous and crazy…
Or like been walked all over lately, walked all over lately
I’d rather be crazy…
So this song is playing, I’m wondering what to do about my angry words, I look up and see “What would Beyonce do?” right in front of my face, and I LOSE IT. I choked on my coffee I was laughing so hard. Obviously, Beyonce doesn’t give a fuck. I shouldn’t either, but here’s the difference. I’M NOT BEYONCE. That’s why I was laughing so hard. I’m not the queen of everything. The reason I am not posting my angry words is because when I lay down tonight I will fall asleep knowing that I did the right thing. Sharing the ugly side and the truth of my situation won’t really help anyone, will it? I am going to fall asleep tonight knowing I did what was best. While it would be nice for other’s to have the same respect, they are the ones who get to live with the choices they have made. Props to Queen B, because it takes strength to tell the world, “My man cheated and lied.” Her man is also trying to right his wrongs, and he is still backing her up. Which is pretty noble in my opinion.
I’m proud that I know who I am and what I stand for. I know myself enough to know that had I just said “fuck it” and posted what I originally wrote, I would have regretted it. I might have very little respect for the people it was concerning, but I have a TON of respect for the family of one of those people. I love them, and they know the truth as do all of my close friends. That’s what’s important to me. So I’ll just be over here belting out some new Beyonce tunes and keeping my hateful words to myself.
“I don’t have to prove anything to anyone. I only have to follow my heart and concentrate on what I want to say to the world. I run my world.” -Beyonce